Every day we’re reminded more and more often, especially as women, to take back our power and to “just say no”. Whether it’s refusing extra work tasks that will lead to burnout, rejecting unrealistic beauty standards, pushing back against societal pressures… I love it all! I love that we’re encouraged to set boundaries, live authentically, and empower ourselves to make our own decisions. But here’s the thing: while we’ve gotten good at knowing what we don’t want and saying no, are we equally clear about what we do want? Are we saying yes to the things that truly matter?
Knowing what we don’t want is important, but it’s only half the equation. Are you clear on who you want to be? Do you know what support looks like to help you get there? More importantly, are you saying yes to the opportunities and actions that align with your goals and values? Are you saying yes to yourself?
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of being “good, kind, calm”—traits that often make us more acceptable in the eyes of others. We fill our days with “shoulds” and avoid conflict because we’re too busy, steadily working through endless to-do lists. We say yes to tasks that keep up the appearance of being “together” and “in control,” but this constant striving is exhausting. When we’re motivated by how others see us, we end up on autopilot, draining our energy by saying yes to things that don’t align with who we are. It’s no surprise that this mindset often leads to burnout and frustration.
Take a moment to look at your to-do list. How many of the tasks on it are actually moving you toward the life you want to live? For me, my values revolve around spending quality time with family and friends, exercising, getting outdoors, and getting enough sleep so I can be my best self. If I’m not saying yes to these things, then what am I saying yes to?
Saying no is a powerful first step—it creates space to slow down, reflect, and reprioritise. But nothing grows in a vacuum. If we stop here, we won’t thrive. So what do we fill that space with? Are we adding in things that truly help us flourish, or are we falling for well-being mantras like “stay safe, rest, do nothing”? It’s tempting to think that staying still is what we need to recover, but is it really?
The evidence shows that true fulfillment comes from action—not just rest. It’s about doing things that align with our values, living with meaning, and actively engaging with the world. Rest is important, yes—but for many of us, the exhaustion we feel comes from giving too much to things that don’t serve us.
So how do we know what to say yes to? Here are three questions to help you decide:
If I were 80, what advice would I give myself now?
This question helps you zoom out and see the bigger picture. Will this decision matter in the long run? What would your future self say about how you’re spending your time today?
When I think about the people I care about, how would they feel about how I’m living?
This brings you back to your relationships. Are you showing up for the people who matter most? Are you giving them your best self, or are you drained because of obligations that don’t align with your values?
If someone I loved—like my child, niece, or nephew—were living my life, would I feel they were honouring their values?
Sometimes it’s easier to see things clearly when we imagine someone we care about living our life. Would you be proud of them for living the way you are? If not, what changes would you want them to make—and how can you make those changes for yourself?
Saying no is a great way to set boundaries and create space for the things in your life that fill your cup. But once you’ve done that, it’s time to take that space you’ve created and start saying yes to those things that bring fulfilment to your life. So, what do you want to say yes to? What aligns with the life you truly want to live? When we say yes to what energises us, we create the space to thrive, and we have so much more to give.
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